Self-sabotage: Fear of Failure?

Like many, I’m a fan of reality television, be it the Real Housewives franchise or anything on WE TV, and one thing I've noticed is that no matter the level of sheer fame, many seem to be killing their chances of success by engaging in self-sabotage. So grab your cup of Lavender Tea and let's reflect.

Take a moment today for self- reflection

According to Psychology Today, “Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.”

There are many reasons that self-sabotage happen, including the fear of failure. Coming from a theological background, my times in undergrad and later in graduate school assisted me in understanding the range of human emotions, interactions and the human psyche. I am far from being a psychologist, but there is one thing I've learned a lot about – the power of fear.

I can’t recall who said it best, but fear is really, “False Evil Appearing Real”.  It is a perceived truth based on no logical evidence, but only on emotional conclusions. It is the lofty idea of failure with no understanding of success. It is misinterpreting the signals and signs and believing that one is not capable of more, and that one is not worthy of more. Fear is the reflection of self-doubt and the lack of self-confidence.

 It is the belief that one ultimately will not achieve the goal as set, and therefore, why should one continue to strive for it. It is the pathway filled often with self-ridicule and a lack of understanding of self-worth, where internally and maybe subconsciously, one believes that success is not an available option.

Today, take the time to look at your situation and see if you are standing in the way of your greatest success. Look in the mirror and say, “I can achieve greatness. I am worthy of greatness. I am able to make a difference.”

Live strong, love passionately, be kind to one another and get out of your way. It could be that your greatest moment is just around the corner!

Are you guilty of self-sabotage? What do you do to defeat self-destructive thinking and behavior?

For further reading: Great information on self-sabotaging behavior can be found at Psychology Today’s website, and specifically the article titled, “Self-Sabotage: The Enemy Within” 

Tina Glasneck walks the line. She enjoys creating murderous tales and can be often found sipping a cup of lavender tea. Tina is currently working on the follow-up novel to THOU SHALL NOT, and is excited to see where the road of authorship takes her.

To connect with Tina, find her Facebook, and tell her how much you enjoy drinking a cup of lavender too.

How to Raise the Stakes In Your Life

Welcome to Murderer's Market, and today, our post is seeking to make it that we don't snap. For new readers, please note that this blog is composed of 9 different authors, representing different genres and writing styles. I write suspense and my books have a high body count.

Sure, I love to write about murder, but let's leave that for the world of fiction, and find ways to create a way to have a beautiful life. 

“Stake me like the wretch I am;

Awaken me and bleed me until there is no more;

Relieve my pain, my desperation,

And make me believe.”

- Tina Glasneck 

Nightmares are fodder; life’s experiences are part of the recipe to create great fiction, but more than that, they are moments needed that continue to inspire.

Passion can be a beautiful thing, but for some, when we don’t feel her gentle prodding, we get lost and are paralyzed until we received our next “fix” of inspiration, and in-between those chance moments, we are stuck with a life resembling more of that of the hamster on the wheel, instead of free, loving-life beings. What do we do then? How do we infuse our lives to make them worth living?

Simple. We raise the stakes.

1. Wake up. If you want to get off of the wheel, then you have to decide to do it. No one can make you free. How many times do you have to crash into concrete before you decide to create your own adventure? What is making you unhappy? What is fueling your self-disdain? It is time to dig deeper and figure out what you are missing, needing or even wanting and then try to figure out a way to go get it.
2. Failure. Realize that every failure is an opportunity to reassess, re-envision and restart. Learn how you can change your current situation to turn it into a better outcome, including what you can change from the inside out. I’ve learned a lot through my mistakes, not only personally, but also professionally. It is through my failures that I’ve continued to pound the keys; that I’ve continued to become the person I want to be.
3. Get to know yourself. We all have triggers, things that cause the demon hiding under the mask to rise to the forefront. Maybe I’m a little paranoid, and the voices in my head are speaking louder, and the tornado in my mind is creating chaos – a chaos I love. My inspiration comes at the strangest of moments, but when it touches the recesses of my mind, it is like being intoxicated, practically giddy with the joy of creating a new scene, a new plot or even a new recipe. As a writer, I try never to repeat my stories; to make every line fresh and every scene breathe newness. It’s taken a while for me to learn what it is that makes me create. It is through knowing myself that I am able to bleed  and infuse more of it in my writing.
4. Self-acceptance. If you don’t accept and love yourself, then you give permission to others to also not love and accept you. I am a dichotomy; there is the side you see –the person filled with joy, laughter and a golden heart, but then there is the other right beneath that only comes out in the darkest moments. The shadow receives strength from the disdain and muck. Its hollowed out ribcage rises and falls with each growing obstacle. I love every aspect of me, no matter if I am flying or falling. There is only one me and only one you.
5. Stop saying no. By setting your limits of what you can and cannot do, you’ve limited yourself and your possible experiences. Maybe you need a good martial arts class to learn that kick you’ve always dreamed about, or maybe you really should take those guitar lessons to rock out. It’s not too late. Stop just living life and instead be ALIVE.
6. GO GET IT! Now that you know what you want out of life, it is time to unshackle yourself and go get what you want out of life. Today you have a new chance to be great; today you have new opportunities to do greatness, to be kind and to exude strength; today you have the opportunity to be conscious of who you are and what you need in your life to be happy.
7. Don’t be afraid to laugh.  And when life does get you down, don’t be afraid of laughing at yourself. It helps to sometimes see the brighter side of things. My entire life has created this moment and the dynamic cocktail of Twisted Tina, and when I’m not self-analyzing, you’ll find me having a good ole’ time just being me.

If you put a light against my face, you’ll discover the real me – the me without masks; the one that intrigues you; the one that sleeps with a pen under her pillow, and is always ready for the next adventure, be it real or just in my imagination.

 _____________________

I am the author of THOU SHALL NOT, a mystery and suspense with romantic elements available in all formats at Smashwords and also available on Amazon. My goal is to provide my readers with tales filled with murder, mystery, suspense and romance, highlighting that an absolute good or evil does not exist.

"The ending was a complete shocker! I kept guessing everyone except who it actually was."4-star review from Amazon.