'Tis A Gift To Be Sexy: Who Will Be People's Next Sexiest Man Alive?

What a glorious time of year this is! The leaves are changing, Thanksgiving is still in the future, and the elections are over. Today I want to remind us of a lesser known November occasion, one that isn’t on most people’s calendars. Put a big red circle around the 16^th.

That’s the day People Magazine crowns this year’s Sexiest Man Alive.

I’m not sure who will take home the title this year. Last year Channing Tatum was the big winner. Last year is also the first time I started to really question the process.

Let’s be clear before I start with the complaining. I am not going to tell Channing Tatum that I had a lovely time but I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow morning. That would be terribly silly, wouldn’t it? He’s not a bad looking fellow at all.

But is he sexy? Is he?

I don’t want to say no … but I can’t say yes.

Sexy, to me, is about a hell of a lot more than looks. Strength of character is sexy. Experience is sexy. Intellect is super sexy.

I’m not saying that I don’t see that in Channing Tatum. I will say I had to go to GQ to see what, if anything, was really going on inside the pretty. I just think – and yes, my mouth does burn a little to say this – we can do better.

How? Well, let’s look at Benedict Cumberbatch.

Benedict was just named Empire Magazine’s Sexiest Movie Star. He’s got depth of character (that's my favorite picture of him), he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and he does a great Chewbacca impression. Is it too much to hope that he’ll end up on People’s cover this year, too? Probably. But I’m hoping anyway.

Who else? I checked out Glamour UK’s gallery – they put this contest to the popular vote – for some ideas. 

First I imposed a couple of restrictions.

I’m not sure anyone under the age of 25 is even old enough to be sexy. Seriously, if you’re younger than 25, you don’t know the world, yourself, or what you want well enough to be sexy. That would keep Justin Bieber off the list of candidates. I’m sorry, I just can’t think of a single reason Justin Bieber would be sexy.

 Because experience is sexy, I don’t think New Jacks, Johnnies Come Lately, or other Flavors of the Month should be on the list of candidates, either. This should also exclude those candidates who haven’t really been doing anything lately (bye bye, Taylor Lautner).

Having said all that, a quick look see at the gallery turns up some promising candidates. Robert Downey Jr. is still one of my favorites. His trip back to the world from rock bottom, his perspective on the journey and on his new place in the world, and his rock-solid grasp of who he is – all that makes him big-time sexy. Idris Elba is right up there, too. I like the way he works as a black actor – he doesn’t let it force him into or out of anything. Black is a part of who he is, and it’s an important part, but it’s not all there is, and he won’t let anyone forget it.

When all is said and done, I just want to see more of a focus on the sexy instead of just the hot. Granted, this might mean a shift in emphasis away from the young and the very young. But the good news is that sexy is much more durable than hot. Once a man is sexy, chances are that he’ll always be sexy. For a hot man, the future is far less certain. Even if he stays hot, which does happen from time to time, there will always be someone younger and hotter waiting in the wings.

Sexy is evergreen. Maybe that’s why this annual ritual is such a good fit for the winter, right?

Alexa Day's ILLICIT IMPULSE is a finalist in the Erotica category in the 2014 EPIC E-Book Awards. Check out this story of two friends, a friend with benefits, and a pill that suppresses the bonding hormone wherever e-books are sold, and watch for Alexa right here on the first Wednesday of the month, on Facebook, or on Twitter every Thursday night for Scandal!

Rites of Spring: It's the Time of the Season

Today’s post is just a little late in getting to you, but I promise I have a good reason. We’re in the best part of the spring right now (although I’m a little tired of having to wear a jacket in the morning), and I needed to recharge with a renewal ritual. People out there are putting up big money for fancy spa renewal rituals, but you don’t need any of that. You can indulge in your very own renewal ritual with very little preparation, just like I do every year.

The most important thing you need is solitude. I mention it first because for some of you, it will be hardest to come by. But the point of the ritual is to recharge your batteries and rebuild your stores of essential energy. You are not going to be able to do that if you’re dealing with other people.

Solitude doesn’t have to be difficult, though. You’ve really got two options. You can make sure no one bothers you by telling them not to bother you – and then backing it up by not rewarding them with your attention when they bother you. Or you can devise some way to remove others from the home by making some other location more attractive. Sending people to the movies is a good idea. Send them to a movie that starts roughly an hour after they leave the house. That should leave lots of time for what we’re doing here.

Once you’re alone, it’s time to run a bath. Even if your weather is actually appropriate for spring, I encourage warm water, since you’re going to be spending a good bit of time in there. While the water is running, hit it with your favorite bath additives. The Internet is rife – rife, I tell you! – with ideas for which fragrances will best suit your needs. I myself am hip deep in bath-related gifts. I will not need to purchase a bath additive for many years.

Make yourself a nice spa beverage. One of my favorites is from the Wynn in Las Vegas. Muddle a bit of cucumber with some lime juice in the bottom of your glass, add just a bit of simple syrup and then fill the glass with ginger ale. Depending on your ginger ale, you may not want the syrup. Alternately, a sliver of ginger muddled before the cucumber works if you substitute syrup and club soda for the ginger ale. The Wynn offers a cocktail version of this beverage, but I like the virgin edition. Brings back nice, hangover-free memories, and the cucumber makes it very refreshing.

Warm bath? Check. Solitude? Got it. Beverage? All ready. Now what?

Maybe nothing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with just hanging out in your hard-won bath. Enjoy, my friend.

If you don’t get solitude often, though, I suggest putting it to work for you. Meditate. If your mind wanders terribly during traditional meditation, try a working meditation with a beauty treatment. I keep a salt scrub on the edge of the tub for this very purpose. Rubbing a salt scrub into your skin forces you to concentrate on yourself. Focus on how it feels as it scrapes away everything old, leaving behind something fresh and new. Enjoy the scent. My favorite part is watching the salt melt away in the water. Be careful, though. Salt scrubs with oil leave the tub very slick!

Now that all is said and done, slowly rejoin the so-called real world as you towel off. Cap everything off with a nice, soothing lotion and maybe a fresh coat of polish on the old toenails. The nail polish is a sneaky trick, really. While it’s drying, your mobility is limited, so everyone will have to get it themselves for a while. (You're welcome.)

What are you all doing to renew? Let me know in the comments.

**Alexa Day brings a touch of sexy to your everyday world on the first Wednesday of every month. When she's not researching her monthly column, she's working on the follow-up to her first novel, ILLICIT IMPULSE, which is now available wherever e-books are sold. In the meantime, you can catch up to her on Facebook, Twitter, or on her blog, although lately she only seems able to manage one of those three venues.

Forget April Fool's Day; Try On Some April Fantasy!

I’m not big on April Fool’s Day. I want to believe that George Takei is in the next Star Wars movie. I would have gone for Google Nose. I’m not going for bacon-flavored mouthwash, but something that doesn’t make your life taste horrendous after you use it? Hey, that might be nice.

Not big on April Fool’s Day.

But I don’t mind a little fooling around, especially when it comes to fooling around. The occasional game of strip poker keeps things lively and delays gratification, both fine side effects. And then there are the old standbys, Truth or Dare and I Never. No matter how well two people know each other, those two games never fail to produce at least one surprise. One of my favorite exes taught me a question game, in which the players must ask each other one question, and only one question, per turn. Answering a question with a question, evasion, and follow-up questions are all fouls.

The spirit of April Fool’s demands more of us, I think. The holiday and the coming spring cry out for a full-blown game of make-believe. Remember playing make-believe?

Okay, put that from your mind. This game of make-believe is 100% grown up. You know what that means? You got it! Real costumes!

With just a touch of effort, you can become a real, live fantasy character. I’m going to start you off with three, but I’m sure you can turn up a few more. Let’s begin with something easy.

1.       **Law enforcement. I touched on this a few months ago for Halloween – all you need is the little handcuff-and-badge package from the toy section at Wal-Mart. Clip the badge to your belt loop on one side and hook the handcuffs to the other side. Check yourself out in the mirror. Are you undercover? Are you the good cop or the bad cop? Are you serving a warrant? Warrants are *fun.* Enjoy!

2.      **Your future in medicine. While you’re at the Wal-Mart, you can probably score some toy medical instruments for just a few bucks. I know you can get a full-size fake stethoscope from one of the party stores for just a few bucks. But think this over. I personally don’t think the doctor is all that hot, as far as fantasy figures go. Maybe it’s because I only see the doctor when I don’t feel all that sexy myself. Instead, I suggest investing in a nice set of scrubs. They don’t cost all that much, and they are the most comfortable garments ever made – like sweats for warm weather. You can get them at Wal-Mart, too. In scrubs, you can go from doctor to masseuse, and that takes you from tell-me-where-it-hurts to tell-me-how-to-make-you-feel-better. Get yourself a candle and some nice massage oil, and then you’re all ready to get therapeutic and such like.

3.       **How the West was wild! Few things are more powerful than the lure of the West. You can be part of that! All you need is a straw hat and a couple of bandanas. If it costs you more than ten bucks, I’d be surprised. Pair the hat and one bandana with your favorite jeans, and you’re ready for a bonfire or a little camping on the range – or a quick getaway after a good old-fashioned bank robbery. Why do you need a couple of bandanas? So you can tie someone up (gently, of course) and gag that person at the same time. Can’t have that person telling the sheriff, can we?

Okay, that should be enough to get you started. How you finish … well, that’s on you!

**Author of ILLICIT IMPULSE, Alexa Day brings a little sexy to your everyday world on the first Wednesday of the month, right here, Below the Fold. Can't wait a whole month? Catch up to her every Thursday on her blog, at Passionate Reads on the second Monday of the Month, on Facebook, or on Twitter. 

Nights in Leopard-Print Satin: Why You Should Have Satin Sheets

I had my hair done a couple of weeks ago, and to protect the style, I was forbidden to put it up at night the way I ordinarily would. A friend of mine asked how I was working around the restriction. I told her that I was using a satin pillowcase.

Her response suggested that maybe not everyone has a satin pillowcase. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I was glad I hadn’t mentioned that the pillowcase was part of a satin sheet set. In fact, I used to have two satin sheet sets, but then I got a bigger bed and had to get rid of them.

Now I’ve just got the leopard-print set.

Okay, okay. I know what this sounds like. And I promise, I don’t live in the center of the Bob Guccione School of Interior Design. This really does look like a normal home, at least in the receiving areas to which invited guests are generally exposed. If you didn’t know it, you’d never guess that an erotica writer lives here.

So my suggestion, of course, is going to be that you should also have a set of satin sheets. Because seriously, why shouldn’t you?

They’re surprisingly inexpensive. You can get them at Wal-Mart and Overstock.com. You can even get them from Sears. Not that there’s anything wrong with Sears. It’s just that one does not expect to obtain satin sheets and power tools (like the hardware kind, silly) at the same place.

Don’t be put off by the leopard print, although those are pretty easy to find. You can score satin sheets in the same solid colors as the regular cotton kind. They’re also available in zebra print. Hmm.

But your question, I think, was about why you should have them. Beyond my standard response – why not? – I can offer you a couple of good reasons.

They are very cool to the touch in the summertime. After a whole day under the window unit at my place, the satin sheet set is a wonderful place to land.

There’s no better place for such an indulgence than the bedroom. They’re a sensual secret just for you. Having them tucked away inside your bedroom is a little bit like wearing the special occasion lingerie on a regular workday – because every day should be a special occasion.

They launder well. I think they’re easier to maintain than cotton. If you act fast, that spilled drop of wine won’t seep in. They dry with lightning speed in the regular dryer.

They’re almost friction free. That’s right. You’re going to slide on satin sheets like nobody’s business. It’s fun. Try it, and you’ll see.

At the very least, the satin pillowcase is good for your hair. I think you should go all the way and get the whole set. In for a penny, in for a leopard-print pound.

I’m celebrating my very first release day today! ILLICIT IMPULSE is available from Ellora’s Cave right now, as I write this. It's the story of a hot scientist, his best friend, her boy toy, and a very sexy experimental drug. Here's a little peek at where the trouble starts:

Grace met John's gaze. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

His skin heated again. What was wrong with him?

“I need you…to take the pills…”

She lifted a fine eyebrow. “And?”

“And then have sex…”

She grinned then, her teeth very white against the burgundy of her lipstick. “With Tal. Right?”

He shrugged. That was, of course, who he’d had in mind. But what he needed already defied the fundamental tenets of scientific research. He definitely wasn’t going to go further out of bounds by telling her who to have sex with.

Grace chuckled, a throaty sound that might have been genuine amusement or something a bit less pleasant. “John, I hope you’re not thinking I’ll take these and then my eyes will be opened and I’ll see Tal doesn’t want to be in a relationship.” She put the pills back on the table next to her glass. “I mean, I know you have some kind of issue with him.”

“Issue” didn’t begin to cover it. Tal only saw her at his place, and only at night. After two years, she’d never mentioned meeting his family or going away for the weekend or celebrating an anniversary. Never mentioned flowers or Christmas gifts. So far as John knew, Tal never even took her to dinner. As happy as Grace said she was, John knew she deserved more than what she had.

“Grace, I’m not trying to pull anything. I need someone who’s not in a relationship. I need someone who’s willing to tell me everything. I even need Tal.” He hated the way that felt in his mouth. “Look, I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s no secret. And if these pills make you see things a little differently, then so much the better. But I really just need your help.”

“Good. Because I know Tal doesn’t want a girlfriend. So we’re all on the same page.”

John nodded, lifting both hands in surrender. “Right. I get it.”

“Okay.” Grace pursed her full lips. “If I do this, what would happen after the sex?”

John swallowed, hoping she didn’t sense the sudden rush of discomfort that seemed so painfully obvious to him. “Then you report back.” He cleared his throat. “To me.”

A mischievous giggle bubbled out of her. “You want me to have sex with Tal and then come back and tell you about it.” Coming from her mouth, the idea sounded ridiculous. “I presume you would need this to happen more than once.”

“Well…there are eight pills in a pack.”

Grace picked up the blister pack again and stared at it in silence. As John scrambled to scrape up the last of his persuasive powers, she said, “Deal.”

The tension that had been crushing him released its grip. She’d do it. “Oh, Grace. I owe you big time.”

She tucked the pills into her purse and laughed. “I have a feeling the pleasure’s going to be all mine. Just don’t be too disappointed if nothing changes between me and Tal,” she said. “And don’t be too shocked when you hear about what we do together.”

**On the first Wednesday of the month, Alexa Day brings a little sexy to your everyday world! Pop by her blog at http://alexaday.net, follow her on Twitter, or catch up to her on Facebook. She'd love to see you!

Open Letter to Boyfriends and Husbands Who Believe Valentine's Day Is Unnecessary

Gentlemen:

As I write this, about one week separates us from Valentine’s Day. I don’t think any other holiday inspires such a wide range of emotional responses. By now, I suspect most of us have made our plans for the holiday, to go out or stay in, to be alone or with friends or with that one special person.

But some of you have made it a point not to have plans. You say you don’t have to do anything because you love your significant others every day, 365 days a year. Valentine’s Day is just a greeting card holiday, you say.

Well, that’s an excuse. I’m sorry. I have to call you on that.

Maybe this is a greeting card holiday. But you know what? So is your birthday.

I bet your honey did something for your birthday. I don’t think she bragged about how it wasn’t necessary to do anything because you wake up breathing 365 days a year. She didn’t smugly assert that she acknowledges your continued existence every day and have no reason to treat your birthday any differently.

In fact, I bet people who are not as close to you, like your coworkers, did something for your birthday. I imagine a lot of people went to a little trouble to acknowledge your own personal greeting card holiday because you matter to them in some small way.

But you want to take your relationship with your sweetheart for granted. After all, you’re in the relationship now. She’s not going anywhere, right?

To get to this 365-day-a-year, don’t-have-to-celebrate relationship, your sweetheart’s been through a lot. She is probably never going to say this to you, but I think you have to hear it. At some point before you decided you didn’t have to acknowledge your relationship on the one special day set aside for it, your sweetheart did at least one, and probably more than one, of the following things.

1.       Considered quitting the whole dating process out of sheer frustration and exhaustion.

2.       Smiled when everything in her wanted to cry.

3.       Was told she should change some part of herself – maybe a part you love all year but refuse to celebrate today – so that she could be in a relationship.

4.       Wore something ridiculous, painful, or both.

5.       Blamed herself for someone else’s shoddy behavior.

6.       Let go of something she wanted very much.

7.       Had her boundaries violated.

8.       Stayed with someone worse than you because she doubted you were coming along.

9.       Chose to live with the certainty that she’d always be alone.

10.   Accepted something about you that really, really annoys her.

But then you came along. She chose you. She finds so much pleasure in every day with you that she may not even remember how many of those ten things she did. Being with you is a gamechanger.

And to acknowledge this, you want to do nothing.

Well, that’s not good enough.

I’m not saying you have to engage in any great spectacle. Use one of the greeting cards you sneer at and write a note. Read to each other. Sit at the bar – no reservations required – and share a dessert.

But do something.

This isn’t just another day. Your sweetheart’s not just some girl. And you should celebrate that because you love her 365 days a year.

Get to planning.

All the best,

Alexa

**Alexa Day wants to bring a little sexy into your everyday world. Her column appears here on the first Wednesday of the month. She blogs on her own website every Thursday, and her first novel, Illicit Impulse, is available March 1 from Ellora’s Cave.

You, Too, Could Live Like an Erotica Writer

Just recently, I sold my first book, ILLICIT IMPULSE, to Ellora's Cave. My friends took me out to celebrate last weekend, and over drinks and dinner (in that order), I came to realize that they apparently think I lead some sort of glamorous life. Not like a celebrity – my friends have all seen what I drive – but I see the way their eyes light up when I mention research, and I hate to disappoint them by saying that I was reading about neurochemistry. There's no little gaggle of men following me around. I keep a hangover remedy in my refrigerator. I clean the litterboxes every morning. My life's pretty average, I thought.

Having said that, though, I did have this argument with myself between sips of champagne. That actually is kind of glamorous.

But we can all be glamorous like that. We just have to ask ourselves one question. We have to start doing it right now, while we are surrounded by people who are dedicating themselves to living more monastic lives this year.

We have to ask ourselves, "Why not?"

Let's take the champagne, for instance. I'm lucky to have such awesome friends to take me places where the champagne flows freely. Champagne is out there every day, though. It's not just for New Year's Eve or Sunday morning mimosas. Couldn't we be exchanging toasts on Thursday night?

Why not?

And what about dessert? I savor every bite of every dessert as if it's the last thing I'm ever going to taste. I've also been known to take myself out to restaurants just for dessert. That's not an everyday thing, but I do love taking up position at the bar for a cup of coffee and a warm slice of apple pie. It keeps my senses sharp, which is important for an erotica writer, but for the most part, it's just an indulgence.

Why not?

I should mention the research.

I almost hate to demystify what erotica research is for me, especially so soon after Santa Claus. But the ugly truth is that my research almost never requires physical contact with another human being. I mentioned the neuroscience earlier; I had to learn about oxytocin and pharmaceutical development to write ILLICIT IMPULSE. I thought it was fascinating, but it's not terribly glamorous. For the next book, research was reading the Safety Rules and Regulations sign at the batting cage to see whether it specifically prohibits having two people in there at once. Not fancy stuff.

Then there was the Discovery Flight.

I'm planning another story in which the hero and heroine were on a single-engine plane. At the time, I had never been on a single-engine plane, and it was important enough to the story that I needed to know what the experience was like. So I reached out to a flight school and explained my situation, hoping to see how big the plane was, how close my hero and heroine would be to each other, what they would be able to take with them. The flight instructor offered me a Discovery Flight. For a very reasonable fee, he said, I could go up in the plane with him. Then I'd really know what it was like.

Why not?

(I could write for hours about what the Discovery Flight is like, but you don't have that sort of time, so I'll leave you with a quote from the flight instructor. "Go ahead and take off. Try to keep it in the middle of the runway.")

Maybe this is glamorous. Champagne toasts, indulgent desserts, exciting research – it is a good life. But it's not reserved for erotica writers. Celebrate something (like a Wednesday) with champagne. Take yourself out for a luxuriant restaurant dessert because you like the way it tastes. Learn something outside your comfort zone. Now's the time – most people are going to be waiting in line for the machines at the gym.

Go for it. Why not?

**Alexa Day is hard at work on her second book, the follow-up to ILLICIT IMPULSE, but she's got space in her schedule for the occasional random dessert. You can catch her right here on the first Wednesday of the month (or the year!) for ways to make every day a little sexier. She also blogs every Thursday on her website, www.alexaday.net.

Single for the Holidays? Five Very Merry Advantages

Today I'm writing for my single friends. By single, I mean unattached. If you are in a relationship of any kind, including but not limited to marriage, you are not single for the purposes of this discussion.

I'm going to take the gloves off and tell you the hard truth.

This is not an easy time to be single. No one wants to hear this, and lots of well-meaning people want to shovel sunshine over it. I think you deserve the truth. The holidays basically force single people to spend long periods of time surrounded by family who wonder why they are still single (and have no problem asking over the dinner table), by couples at their coupled-up best, and by the newly engaged. The holidays force single people to confront both mistletoe and New Year's Eve.

It's not easy, and I think anyone who says otherwise probably has some other lovely platitudes to offer single people. Coupled people, take notice. Single folks do not want to hear that they deserve better, that it is that other person's loss, or that someday somewhere somehow, someone will come along.

(A good coupled friend once asked me what a single person in breakup distress did want to hear. The answer is nothing. Single people want you to listen.)

I'm digressing. This is not going to be a diatribe about what a bummer the holidays are. This is my world – Below the Fold! I'm going to tell you single folks how to make the holidays sexy.

Let us count the ways.

1.       You do not have to do anything. The vast majority of coupled people spend a significant part of the holiday season fulfilling the obligations created by their partners. Some of them don't mind doing that. Some of them are just saying they don't mind. You don't have to go to a partner's work party, family gathering or anything else that person is required to do for some reason or another. You also don't have to buy presents for those folks. The next time you feel holiday blues descending, just remember the things you don't have to do. Those people who just started going out a few weeks ago are in an awkward spot right now.

2.       You can choose to do anything. You could go to some holiday singles events, if that's your thing, but that's not really what I'm talking about. Seek out an artistic endeavor. Try a day seminar in digital photography. How about nude figure drawing? Oh, yes, it's real! My bartending school had a sample class in December – that entertaining lark turned into a job. Dance lessons abound – group lessons where you'll have lots of partners and a New Year's Eve party, and lessons that will help you find the single goddess inside you, like belly dancing, burlesque, and striptease. There's still time for a solo trip to the location of your choice, if you check into last-minute travel opportunities. Being single, at its best, is about being spontaneous, and spontaneity is sexy!

3.       Enjoy your solitude. Take yourself on a sensual tour. Wherever you are, you're surrounded by lights and decorations and scents and sounds that will all disappear in about a month. Get out into the cold air. Listen to the holiday noise – my favorite sound of the season is the Salvation Army bell, and I only get it for another few weeks. Look at the faces of people going by. The bell ringer's smile when I put change in his kettle. A shopper's delight when she's found exactly the right gift. Friends sharing a laugh over drinks. Check out the Santa at the center of the mall, and really consider – that's a real person there, listening to a child's guileless recitation of what he wants. The child takes this for granted – where else would Santa be? Isn't it more magical for you, knowing what you know? There's real purity and magic in this time of year. Slow down and enjoy it.

4.       Indulge yourself. Buy yourself something. Jewelry. A book. A flashy, sexy outfit. A massage. Coupled folks often have trouble finding the time or the resources to do something purely selfish, but I'll let you in on a secret. Most of them secretly long for the luxury of selfishness. Try not to rub their noses in it.

5.       If you're legal, have a drink. At a bar. Sit there with something nice and warm (I'll have some suggestions next week on my blog) and make nice with the bartender (that's on my blog right now). It's easy to make merry with a bartender as your ally!

The holidays are finite, and once they're over, I think you're going to miss them. In the meantime, remember your friends, even the coupled-up ones, and share some of that good fortune with them when you find a moment.

**Alexa Day loves this time of year but hopes one year to actually make some sort of a schedule/plan for it. When she's not enjoying the luxury of selfishness, she spends the holidays volunteering with homeless animals or reading a nice, hot interracial romance novel. Check her out at http://alexaday.net for more everyday sexy!

Grateful for the Big Stuff ... and It's All Big Stuff

Years ago, I met a woman who told me what her little boy taught her about gratitude.

It was right around this time of year, just before Thanksgiving, when she asked her son what he was grateful for. Her little boy frowned thoughtfully and was silent for several seconds. She was sure he was about to come up with a heartwarming sentiment worthy of a greeting card, the sort of "right answer" parents expect to hear from small children.

Instead, he said, "Pizza."

It would have been very easy, the mother told me, to correct her son and go for the "appropriate" response. Home or family or health or something like that. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was also thankful for pizza.

And why not? It's tasty. It's widely available. Good for sharing, leftovers, and beer. It prevents cooking.

I'm grateful for pizza, too. Sure, I'm grateful for freedom and health and employment and all that, too. But that does not make gratitude for pizza wrong. I am actually grateful for pizza more often than I am for large-ticket items because I enjoy pizza in such a finite way. That first bite of the first slice. The cheese, the mushrooms, maybe an anchovy. The firm crust. And then, once it's over, those last few minutes with the beer, thinking of how wonderful the whole experience was.

Yeah. I'm glad we have pizza. But the world's full of those little things that make life special. In fact, I think gratitude makes everything – the little things and the big ones – equally significant. We don't have to look far to find something that inspires gratitude. We just have to look.

I may have mentioned several times that I was at Romanticon last month, surrounded by hot shirtless men. That by itself is something to be grateful for. The Cavemen tend to travel in small groups, a habit that occasionally results in a lucky woman (like myself) sharing an elevator with four or five of them.

I had been on the elevator first, so I found myself in the rear corner. The guys were unusually quiet. They're typically gregarious and chatty in a way that brings even a dyed-in-the-wool nerd like me out of her shell. But that day, they were all watching the numbers counting down as we descended.

At least I think that's what they were looking at. I was too busy staring at them with an impunity I could not have enjoyed if they were talking to me. I studied all those powerful shoulders and long fingers and nice, big hands. I struggled mentally to describe the way they held themselves. I wondered if they could tell I was staring at them.

And then it was over. The doors opened in the lobby, and they all headed off together, to wherever they were going. I had to stand there for a minute, in the way, trying to remember where I was going.

I decided that I was grateful for this job, with its exotic destinations and elevators full of hot shirtless men. Grateful just for elevators, and how small and slow they are. Grateful for that quiet spot in the rear corner. I would even have been grateful if, heaven forbid, that particular elevator had stopped working altogether.

That's right. If I had been trapped in an elevator full of hot shirtless men, I would have found the silver lining. I'm an optimist like that.

Now, as sexy as my day-to-day life is, I am sorry to say that it is not THAT sexy every day. Yet. Even so, I'm grateful for the little sensual delights each day has to offer. A perfectly cooked meal. A good book and the free time to enjoy reading it. A friendly wave from the FedEx man, who seems to have no idea that he's gorgeous. Pizza.

What are you grateful for?

**Alexa Day is grateful for any number of things this month, including her completion and submission of her first manuscript, Project NSA. She's not sure what she'll do once NaNoWriMo is over, but you can check her out here, Below the Fold, on the first Wednesday of the month, and on her own blog every Thursday.

That Sexy Halloween Costume Might Be Closer Than You Think!

Happy Halloween! I’m so excited to be able to share my favorite holiday with you all! This month, I’ve got more costumey goodness than I can get into one blog post, so I’m staging a special event. Today on Below the Fold, I’m going to hit you with some practical ways to bring the sexy to your costumes. Tomorrow on my blog, I will have actual costume suggestions.

Some of you are going, “Yay! I love costumes!” Great! I need you all to gather up over to my right for just a second. I need to have a word with everyone else.

A brief word for those of you who are “too cool” to dress up. Or “too old.” Or frankly, too insecure. That’s fine. I’m not going to try to change you or whatever. I will tell you, however, that those of us in costume are going to have more fun than you are, because we are going to participate in the holiday festivities. You’re welcome to join us, of course; I would never tell you otherwise. But you’ll be a spectator, and we’re going to feel kind of bad for you. Even that guy on the other end of the room – the one wearing the wise-ass T-shirt that says “this is my costume” or some such – he feels bad for you.

The truth is, those of us who are dressed up are daring to spend the evening pretending to be someone else. Just for tonight, we have the confidence to tell the world, “I’m a superhero. I’m a cheerleader. I’m a pilot, or a princess, or a police officer.” And confidence is sexy.

So if you want to join the confident, sexy people and dress up, we’re going shopping right now! If not, well, enjoy the sidelines.

Okay. Before we actually leave for shopping, take a second and decide what you want to be. It is *very* easy to overspend if you do not have a clear vision of what you want to be. If you’re not clear, go online to one of the costume sites, Halloween Express, Spirit Halloween and Party City are all great resources. I have an Uhura costume and a Storm costume from buycostumes.com. I prefer it because it’s got loads of outfits that will cover your body. Not that I’m timid – I’m really not – but I do not relish waking up with pneumonia the morning after my Halloween carousing. Plus the variety is nice. Not everyone is trying to dress up as the slutty version of whatever you might have in mind.

(If you are, don’t let me stop you! But if I catch your cold, I will not hide my displeasure. And remember that argument you had with Mom about having to wear a coat over your costume? Okay, then.)

Take a second and think outside the box. About half a million people are going to be Catwoman this year. If the site ranks the costumes by popularity, start at the back and work forward. You can explore all the women’s costumes in one fell swoop (at press time, BuyCostumes.com had almost 2200 women’s costumes, and Spirit isn’t far behind), or you can check out the various categories for superheroes, historical outfits, and the like.

Don’t go as you. It is possible to wear a costume and still be dressed as you. I stubbornly refuse to wear an outfit that represents any part of my reality, so that means no outfits representing any of my day jobs. If I’m a bartender, and I go somewhere dressed as a bartender, a slutty bartender, an old-timey bartender, or a zombie bartender, I am dressed as myself. The idea is to go dressed as someone or something else. You can go back to being you in November.

Got your vision? Don’t look at the price right now (keep it in mind, though – sales abound this time of year). Just get an idea for what that outfit looks like, what comes in the box, and how excited you are to wear it. I’m going to help you do all that sexy in a practical way.

First stop: Your closet.

Yep. Root around in there for some stuff you already wear. I pulled almost all of a biker outfit out of my closet – jeans, T-shirt, jacket and bandana. I found the white shirt, Mary Jane shoes, blazer, and white knee socks for my schoolgirl outfit right here at home and borrowed (stole) my brother’s school tie. A long, full skirt works for fortune tellers. Wear your regular clothes out of their regular context, and you’ve taken a big step toward costume victory.

Next stop: The thrift store.

Go thrift shopping early. Like now. If you are in a college town, the students are already doing what you’re doing. When I dressed as a schoolgirl, the only thing I needed to buy was a plaid skirt, and I got one from the neighborhood thrift for less than $5. It was a wool blend, too, so I was nice and comfy with no coat – much warmer than I’d have gotten online for ten times as much. Keep your vision in mind and look for whatever you can. Straw cowboy hats. Black biker belts. Those little hoop earrings Uhura wore before the reboot. The lightning bolt earrings Storm wears now. Thrift stores have all that stuff.

Next: Wal-Mart.

If you have shopped your closet and thrift (go to more than one thrift store, and go more than once), it’s time to make the first trip to Wal-Mart. Do NOT go to the Halloween area. Remember your vision and shop the rest of the store. Cowgirls, go to accessories for a straw hat and a bandana. Police hotties, head to the toy section; the badges and cuffs there are often cheaper than the ones at the front of the store. Need a magic wand? Grab a knitting needle for Potter style or head to toys for fairy princess style. If you absolutely cannot find what you need anywhere else in the store (and make an effort, it’s a big place), try the Halloween section, but keep your receipt.

Last stop: that Halloween place.

There are a few costume chains that pop up this time of year – some are the brick and mortar offshoots of those sites we looked at earlier. They are a great resource for costume accessories, makeup, even whole costumes if the above three steps didn’t work out for you. They are also staffed by people who love costumes as much as I do. Go during the off hours -- take a lunch hour there on a weekday – and you’ll have the place to yourself. Tell the folks behind the counter what your vision is. Last year, I uttered one word – “steampunk” – and the clerk’s eyes lit up. Before I knew it, I had a pair of goggles (to wear on my head, of course), a faux pocket watch for my vest, and a bandolier. They’ve got the badges, the jewelry, and wigs like you wouldn’t believe. If you find what you need here, check the price against that Wal-Mart receipt. I bet you’re going back to Wal-Mart to return something.

And one last thing:

Enjoy the ride, neighbors! One year, at a dance party, I saw Batman making out with Catwoman under the stairs, Ric Flair swishing his hair and his boa, Michael Myers dancing to his song (we let him have the dance floor to himself), and a stormtrooper and a Tusken Raider drinking patiently through straws. That was probably seven or eight years ago, and I can still see it in my mind.

Here’s to anonymity, fantasy and wonderful memories! Hit me up with your Halloween memories and plans in the comments, and I will see you tomorrow on my blog with costume ideas!

**Halloween is the intersection of Everyday and Sexy -- no wonder it's Alexa Day's favorite holiday! Now that you've got a Below the Fold shopping plan, be sure to check out alexaday.net on Thursday for 23 hot costume ideas. You'll be sure to find something that suits you!

September to Remember: Three Date Nights to Fall For

Autumn begins this month. Nights will slowly get longer, the leaves begin to change color, and before long, traditional fall festivals will start to crop up. Outdoor time is at its most comfortable in the fall – before long, it’ll be too cold to really enjoy yourself outside for more than a few minutes. I would say that we’re going to make hay while the sun shines … but my plans for the month will all be taking place after dark! Read on for three sexy September activities you can enjoy under cover of darkness.

1.       The fair. The local fair – state, county or what have you – is a fabulous place to go on a date. It’s got everything a typical date needs: food, entertainment, the chance to take a long walk with your honey, dessert, and a little excitement. There’s something very sexy about food you can eat (or feed each other) with your fingers. Stay for a concert as the sun goes down. You’d be surprised by some of the acts that play the fairgrounds! While you’re walking off that heavy meal, your sweetheart can win you a prize at one of the midway games. (Let me tell you a secret about men. If a man wins you a prize at one of those games, he will absolutely feel like a king. Somewhere in the instinctive part of their minds, the midway is like the knights’ tournament.) Later you can get buckled in to one of those rides – the bumper cars if you’re competitive, one of those high speed loop-the-loop things if you want to scream, the Ferris wheel if you’re up for a little private time. On the way back to the parking lot, stop for a funnel cake. Dates don’t get an awful lot better than that. Go after sundown if you’re looking for a more date-friendly atmosphere. Something about all those flashing lights just heightens the excitement.

2.       The high school football game. The season’s already started, but if I were you, I would wait a couple of weeks before I went to the game. Right now, everything is still kind of raw and new, and it’s still pretty light outside. If you wait just a little while, you can enjoy a nice hometown version of Friday Night Lights. Bring a blanket with you – you can sit on it if it’s warm and snuggle beneath it if it gets chilly. When you get to the game, be sure you are sitting on the correct side of the field. You want to be with the home team, don’t you? Then you want to pick a distant, lonely place in the bleachers. Don’t worry; you’ll still be able to see the game. Not that you came here to watch the game. While you and your sweetheart hang out and enjoy the game, you can talk about how high school was when you were students. I find this experience is even better if you hated high school – it’s very refreshing to go to a game when you’ve escaped the very insular world that is high school. Enjoy the game. Enjoy the weather. Then once it gets dark and everyone else is watching the game, you can enjoy each other’s company.

3.       The hayride. I encourage you to use care when choosing a hayride. The “haunted hayride” is basically your chance to be an extra in a slasher movie. Now, if that’s your thing, I don’t judge. That just doesn’t say ‘sexy’ to me. If you look hard, you can find a nice quiet hayride you can share with a few other couples. You can get to know them a little better with a sing-along and conversation, and you can get to know your sweetheart a little better under one of the blankets they keep in the wagon. Add some hot cider, a bonfire, maybe some s’mores, and before you know it, you and your honey are having a very romantic time.

You can make this a September to remember! What are you waiting for?

**Sure, it's getting cooler out. Alexa Day believes in keeping things nice and hot every day. Her monthly W3 post, Below the Fold, brings a little heat to your everyday. If you need heat more often than that, check her out every Thursday at her blog on www.alexaday.net.

The Sensual Art of Passing a Note

Some people say that school’s going to be starting soon. I say that if we are lucky, school is always in session. Now that we’re all grown up, we have the glorious opportunity to study those things that were forbidden to us as students. Like passing a note. It’s tons of fun, now that we don’t have to worry about getting into trouble. Indeed, getting into trouble might be part of the fun now, right?

By passing a note in English class, one of my characters starts a love affair that lasts most of his adult life – and he was just trying to ask her to write a paper for him! (Not to worry. She said no.) Imagine what you can do if you set out to write a little sexygram. A little bit of effort, a pinch of cunning, and a whisper of luck, and you are well on your way to a little afterschool special of your own.

Ready, class? Let’s begin.

1.       Get out a piece of paper. Yes, you have to use paper. I know it’s easier to send email and texts and all that fabulous electronic stuff. Pen (I know I don’t have to tell you to use a pen, right?) and paper are going to be harder to work with, but they are well worth the effort. Why? Because they’re sensual. Your reader will touch the surface once warmed by your hand. Make your reader think about the way you hold the pen. Make your reader imagine you taking out that piece of paper. Is it stationery? Did you rip it off something? Were you in a meeting? Did people see you writing? All these dimensions are only available to you if you use paper.

Do not be deterred by your handwriting or your spelling or your grammar. Just be careful. I would never dream of turning in a first draft, and neither should you. Check things over first. Make sure everything is spelled okay. Slow down and make things as neat and legible as you can. Don’t let this paralyze you.

Here’s a quick aside for the readers. The note writer is trying to do something nice for you. There is a possibility that the handwriting will be a challenge to read. TRY TO READ IT ANYWAY. I have visions of people taking this note back to the writer and asking in the least discreet manner available, “What does this SAY?! I can’t READ it! You know, your handwriting is just AWFUL! And I don’t think you spelled this right!” And you know what? That’s not sexy. Sound it out. Use context. Your writer went out on a limb to write you this little love note. Don’t jiggle the limb.

2.       Use your imagination. I think it’s best to use your own words. It doesn’t have to be flowery or anything. It just has to be you. Three or four sincere words about something you love or something you notice or something you appreciate or maybe something you’d like to do – that’s all it takes. It’s not forbidden to use someone else’s words as long as they have meaning for both of you. If you know your reader’s favorite lines of poetry or lyrics or a favorite quote, copy them down in your handwriting. You’re not passing the words off as yours; your reader knows they’re someone else’s. The point is that you know your reader loves those words, so you’re making a gift of them.

It’s important not to fake this. If you retreat to the Internet and copy down something that’s “supposed to work,” your reader will know because it isn’t going to sound like you. It isn’t going to have relevance to your relationship. It’s going to sound like something someone else told you to say, which is what it is. And you know what? That’s not sexy. Don’t let this paralyze you either. I just scolded your reader about not being receptive to your best efforts.

3.       Make it happen, Cap’n! Now that your note’s all done, you are ready to get it to your reader. Great! Take some time to scope out a place you can put the note where your reader will discover it. Be careful with this. The inside pocket of his suit jacket only sounds like a good idea. Not long ago, I borrowed one of my dad’s suit jackets (it’s a lovely shade of disco-era salmon), and when I reached into that inside pocket, I found a ticket to the Last Dance of the Seventies from New Year’s Eve, 1979. On the other end of the spectrum, I tucked a slip of paper with some dialogue notes into my purse just yesterday, and now it seems to have disappeared. So the purse is not such a good idea either. You cannot run the risk that the note will get stale. And why delay gratification if you don’t have to?

So where is a good place? Somewhere your reader goes frequently but alone. Under the cell phone or the keys. Under your reader’s watch. The pillow. If you are using these places correctly, your reader will happen upon the note and have some alone time to read it, even if it’s just a few minutes while you’re brushing your teeth. Choosing the right place is magic; it says you notice the little things your reader does. Do not shift the burden to your reader by putting the note just anywhere in the belief your reader should find it. Do not put it somewhere that people will see your reader pick it up and ask, “What’s THAT?” Do not put it somewhere children can get it. (Not that your children would read it. Certainly you raised them not to open and read other people’s private mail.) This note-passing is an intimate business. Pick an intimate delivery location.

All right, class. Your homework is to get cracking on that sensual note! You can leave your questions and your PG-13 success stories just below in the comments.


On the first Wednesday of the month, Alexa Day's Below the Fold strives to make sexy part of the new normal. But why stop at once a month? There's more hot fun to be had on her blog, http://www.alexaday.net/, every single Thursday. She's even got five easy ways to make your home a haven for sensual notes. Go look!

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Manly Firmness

My country and my column are going to share a birthday! And what better time to start dipping Below the Fold than the Fourth of July? My happy mission: to provide you with some ways to make this hot holiday even hotter.

Let’s talk fireworks and get this celebration started with a bang! No matter how you spend the rest of the holiday, an evening fireworks show is a necessary ingredient for a hot and happy Fourth. The patriotic music always gets me a little stirred up, and I love checking out the firemen near the perimeter, the cops working crowd control, and our hot friends in the military. (Okay. I’m a badge bunny; I admit it.) Of course, if that’s not exciting enough for you, you could always daydream about all the things a person could do in the dark, surrounded by people who are all … looking … up.

Before the fireworks, though, why not spend part of the afternoon poolside? There’s no better place to celebrate the right to bare arms! If you can get to the pool early enough, you’re sure to see some fine-looking gentlemen working out, passing smoothly through the water on the way to a flip turn. Poetry in motion! And if you’re lucky enough to be at the beach, you can join a pick-up volleyball game and get even closer to the action. Now that’s my kind of gun show!

That brings us to my favorite part of the holiday: manly firmness.

Oh, get your mind out of there! Manly firmness is patriotic. It’s in the Declaration of Independence, in the fifth one of those bullet points. That’s right – it’s in the same document as the pursuit of happiness. Indeed, some of us (like me) would argue that one concept leads to the other and back again. Since manly firmness is one of the principles this nation’s based on, it is our patriotic duty to celebrate it, in its many wonderful forms. So while you’re heading from the beach to the pool, or wherever your holiday takes you, be sure to thank your hot male friends for being part of what makes our country great. Ask your favorites to take their shirts off. You know, for the country. Then get ready for those fireworks!

**Here’s a big, thank-you hug for all my hot military friends, male and female, from Below the Fold! Many thanks for doing what you do, so I can do what I do.

Alexa Day celebrates diversity -- another one of this nation's fine, fundamental principles -- with her special blend of interracial erotica and erotic romance. You can join her in the melting pot over on her blog at www.alexaday.net.