I Don't See Nothing Wrong with a Little PDA

Mark your calendar for June 20. It’s a Thursday. You’ll want to go out.

What’s the occasion? Well, it seems a whole holiday has been set aside for public displays of affection. June 20 is National PDA Day, and I know you’ll want to participate, even if you don’t really want to admit it.

No one wants to be the one to say that PDA is a good thing. That’s where I come in. I’m happy to step forward in favor of the PDA; it’s part of my bread and butter. Sure, keeping the private stuff super hot is important, but if I can’t make every touch count, even the public ones, I’ve got a problem.

The public display of affection is not only good, but it’s good for you. It’s necessary. Don’t worry. I’m not going to encourage you to get flagrant with a partner where all the world can see you. (I’m not going to stop you, either.) You don’t have to turn it all the way up to 11. If we call Level 1 a handshake and Level 2 is a nice hug, we’ll start at Level 3 by holding hands.

Hand holding. I think most of us stopped holding hands way too soon, for the same reason we stopped doing a lot of things: we were forced to endure the efforts of someone who wasn’t very good at it. Holding hands does not have to be a sweat-slick, hand-cramping marathon of awkwardness. With just a little effort, it can be wonderfully … effective. Start casually by bumping or brushing the back of your hand against your target’s hand. Follow up quickly, with intent, and twine your fingers together. And once you’re all set up, stroke your special friend’s thumb with yours. Keep things loose – that death grip is what makes the experience sweaty and gross. Ventilation matters!

Not-So-Casual Guidance. A good friend of mine, God love her, once had this complaint about dating. “What is this hand-on-the-back thing?” she asked. “I’m right behind the waitress! I know where we’re going!” I had to shake my head. The hand-on-the-back thing is like the hand-cupping-the-elbow thing and sort of like the hand-on-the-shoulder thing. It’s not about where you’re going. It’s about giving your date a reason to touch you. Personally, I prefer to wear something that leaves at least one of these target areas bare. Skin-to-skin contact builds oxytocin in both the toucher and the touchee (forgive my complex language there). Oxytocin’s the hormone that forms a nice emotional bond between the people touching each other. A little of that is a good thing, but for a deep bond, be prepared to get a little more touchy feely.

Getting to 11. I will never tell you that there is anything wrong with making out in public. My problem is with having to look at it. The public make-out session has much to recommend it – unusual setting, threat of discovery, pulse-pounding spontaneity – but public mores and, you know, the law are here to keep us from going all the way. Don’t fret. You can still manage a little workaround if you’re willing to try hard enough. Compromise a little by focusing more on those less obvious erogenous zones. Stroke that shadow zone beneath the shoulder blade. Trace that spinal column with your fingertips. Casually caress your sweetie’s knee – but only the knee. Keep up that repetitive, rhythmic motion, and you’ll be sure to start a fire! Better still, you can eliminate the public element by working with a backyard or a balcony or a parked car or maybe a fitting room. You’re still technically in public. The public just can’t see you as much. So far as I’m concerned, if I can’t see you, anything goes.

Can’t wait until the 20^th? I don’t blame you. You’ve got two weeks left before PDA Day! If you don’t have a partner, go find one! If you do have a partner, it’s time to practice! And in the meantime, why not have a look at my book, Illicit Impulse? It’s an exciting look at what can happen when oxytocin – and consequences – are removed from the delicate dance of skin-to-skin contact.

**Alexa Day brings a touch of sexy to your everyday world on the first Wednesday of every month. When she's not researching her monthly column, she's working on the follow-up to her first novel, ILLICIT IMPULSE, a Night Owl Reviews Top Pick which is now available wherever e-books are sold. In the meantime, you can catch up to her on Facebook, Twitter, or on her blog, although lately she only seems able to manage one of those three venues at a time.

Rites of Spring: It's the Time of the Season

Today’s post is just a little late in getting to you, but I promise I have a good reason. We’re in the best part of the spring right now (although I’m a little tired of having to wear a jacket in the morning), and I needed to recharge with a renewal ritual. People out there are putting up big money for fancy spa renewal rituals, but you don’t need any of that. You can indulge in your very own renewal ritual with very little preparation, just like I do every year.

The most important thing you need is solitude. I mention it first because for some of you, it will be hardest to come by. But the point of the ritual is to recharge your batteries and rebuild your stores of essential energy. You are not going to be able to do that if you’re dealing with other people.

Solitude doesn’t have to be difficult, though. You’ve really got two options. You can make sure no one bothers you by telling them not to bother you – and then backing it up by not rewarding them with your attention when they bother you. Or you can devise some way to remove others from the home by making some other location more attractive. Sending people to the movies is a good idea. Send them to a movie that starts roughly an hour after they leave the house. That should leave lots of time for what we’re doing here.

Once you’re alone, it’s time to run a bath. Even if your weather is actually appropriate for spring, I encourage warm water, since you’re going to be spending a good bit of time in there. While the water is running, hit it with your favorite bath additives. The Internet is rife – rife, I tell you! – with ideas for which fragrances will best suit your needs. I myself am hip deep in bath-related gifts. I will not need to purchase a bath additive for many years.

Make yourself a nice spa beverage. One of my favorites is from the Wynn in Las Vegas. Muddle a bit of cucumber with some lime juice in the bottom of your glass, add just a bit of simple syrup and then fill the glass with ginger ale. Depending on your ginger ale, you may not want the syrup. Alternately, a sliver of ginger muddled before the cucumber works if you substitute syrup and club soda for the ginger ale. The Wynn offers a cocktail version of this beverage, but I like the virgin edition. Brings back nice, hangover-free memories, and the cucumber makes it very refreshing.

Warm bath? Check. Solitude? Got it. Beverage? All ready. Now what?

Maybe nothing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with just hanging out in your hard-won bath. Enjoy, my friend.

If you don’t get solitude often, though, I suggest putting it to work for you. Meditate. If your mind wanders terribly during traditional meditation, try a working meditation with a beauty treatment. I keep a salt scrub on the edge of the tub for this very purpose. Rubbing a salt scrub into your skin forces you to concentrate on yourself. Focus on how it feels as it scrapes away everything old, leaving behind something fresh and new. Enjoy the scent. My favorite part is watching the salt melt away in the water. Be careful, though. Salt scrubs with oil leave the tub very slick!

Now that all is said and done, slowly rejoin the so-called real world as you towel off. Cap everything off with a nice, soothing lotion and maybe a fresh coat of polish on the old toenails. The nail polish is a sneaky trick, really. While it’s drying, your mobility is limited, so everyone will have to get it themselves for a while. (You're welcome.)

What are you all doing to renew? Let me know in the comments.

**Alexa Day brings a touch of sexy to your everyday world on the first Wednesday of every month. When she's not researching her monthly column, she's working on the follow-up to her first novel, ILLICIT IMPULSE, which is now available wherever e-books are sold. In the meantime, you can catch up to her on Facebook, Twitter, or on her blog, although lately she only seems able to manage one of those three venues.

How to Raise the Stakes In Your Life

Welcome to Murderer's Market, and today, our post is seeking to make it that we don't snap. For new readers, please note that this blog is composed of 9 different authors, representing different genres and writing styles. I write suspense and my books have a high body count.

Sure, I love to write about murder, but let's leave that for the world of fiction, and find ways to create a way to have a beautiful life. 

“Stake me like the wretch I am;

Awaken me and bleed me until there is no more;

Relieve my pain, my desperation,

And make me believe.”

- Tina Glasneck 

Nightmares are fodder; life’s experiences are part of the recipe to create great fiction, but more than that, they are moments needed that continue to inspire.

Passion can be a beautiful thing, but for some, when we don’t feel her gentle prodding, we get lost and are paralyzed until we received our next “fix” of inspiration, and in-between those chance moments, we are stuck with a life resembling more of that of the hamster on the wheel, instead of free, loving-life beings. What do we do then? How do we infuse our lives to make them worth living?

Simple. We raise the stakes.

1. Wake up. If you want to get off of the wheel, then you have to decide to do it. No one can make you free. How many times do you have to crash into concrete before you decide to create your own adventure? What is making you unhappy? What is fueling your self-disdain? It is time to dig deeper and figure out what you are missing, needing or even wanting and then try to figure out a way to go get it.
2. Failure. Realize that every failure is an opportunity to reassess, re-envision and restart. Learn how you can change your current situation to turn it into a better outcome, including what you can change from the inside out. I’ve learned a lot through my mistakes, not only personally, but also professionally. It is through my failures that I’ve continued to pound the keys; that I’ve continued to become the person I want to be.
3. Get to know yourself. We all have triggers, things that cause the demon hiding under the mask to rise to the forefront. Maybe I’m a little paranoid, and the voices in my head are speaking louder, and the tornado in my mind is creating chaos – a chaos I love. My inspiration comes at the strangest of moments, but when it touches the recesses of my mind, it is like being intoxicated, practically giddy with the joy of creating a new scene, a new plot or even a new recipe. As a writer, I try never to repeat my stories; to make every line fresh and every scene breathe newness. It’s taken a while for me to learn what it is that makes me create. It is through knowing myself that I am able to bleed  and infuse more of it in my writing.
4. Self-acceptance. If you don’t accept and love yourself, then you give permission to others to also not love and accept you. I am a dichotomy; there is the side you see –the person filled with joy, laughter and a golden heart, but then there is the other right beneath that only comes out in the darkest moments. The shadow receives strength from the disdain and muck. Its hollowed out ribcage rises and falls with each growing obstacle. I love every aspect of me, no matter if I am flying or falling. There is only one me and only one you.
5. Stop saying no. By setting your limits of what you can and cannot do, you’ve limited yourself and your possible experiences. Maybe you need a good martial arts class to learn that kick you’ve always dreamed about, or maybe you really should take those guitar lessons to rock out. It’s not too late. Stop just living life and instead be ALIVE.
6. GO GET IT! Now that you know what you want out of life, it is time to unshackle yourself and go get what you want out of life. Today you have a new chance to be great; today you have new opportunities to do greatness, to be kind and to exude strength; today you have the opportunity to be conscious of who you are and what you need in your life to be happy.
7. Don’t be afraid to laugh.  And when life does get you down, don’t be afraid of laughing at yourself. It helps to sometimes see the brighter side of things. My entire life has created this moment and the dynamic cocktail of Twisted Tina, and when I’m not self-analyzing, you’ll find me having a good ole’ time just being me.

If you put a light against my face, you’ll discover the real me – the me without masks; the one that intrigues you; the one that sleeps with a pen under her pillow, and is always ready for the next adventure, be it real or just in my imagination.

 _____________________

I am the author of THOU SHALL NOT, a mystery and suspense with romantic elements available in all formats at Smashwords and also available on Amazon. My goal is to provide my readers with tales filled with murder, mystery, suspense and romance, highlighting that an absolute good or evil does not exist.

"The ending was a complete shocker! I kept guessing everyone except who it actually was."4-star review from Amazon.