Showing posts with label loving self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loving self. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Rites of Spring: It's the Time of the Season


Today’s post is just a little late in getting to you, but I promise I have a good reason. We’re in the best part of the spring right now (although I’m a little tired of having to wear a jacket in the morning), and I needed to recharge with a renewal ritual. People out there are putting up big money for fancy spa renewal rituals, but you don’t need any of that. You can indulge in your very own renewal ritual with very little preparation, just like I do every year.

The most important thing you need is solitude. I mention it first because for some of you, it will be hardest to come by. But the point of the ritual is to recharge your batteries and rebuild your stores of essential energy. You are not going to be able to do that if you’re dealing with other people.

Solitude doesn’t have to be difficult, though. You’ve really got two options. You can make sure no one bothers you by telling them not to bother you – and then backing it up by not rewarding them with your attention when they bother you. Or you can devise some way to remove others from the home by making some other location more attractive. Sending people to the movies is a good idea. Send them to a movie that starts roughly an hour after they leave the house. That should leave lots of time for what we’re doing here.

Once you’re alone, it’s time to run a bath. Even if your weather is actually appropriate for spring, I encourage warm water, since you’re going to be spending a good bit of time in there. While the water is running, hit it with your favorite bath additives. The Internet is rife – rife, I tell you! – with ideas for which fragrances will best suit your needs. I myself am hip deep in bath-related gifts. I will not need to purchase a bath additive for many years.

Make yourself a nice spa beverage. One of my favorites is from the Wynn in Las Vegas. Muddle a bit of cucumber with some lime juice in the bottom of your glass, add just a bit of simple syrup and then fill the glass with ginger ale. Depending on your ginger ale, you may not want the syrup. Alternately, a sliver of ginger muddled before the cucumber works if you substitute syrup and club soda for the ginger ale. The Wynn offers a cocktail version of this beverage, but I like the virgin edition. Brings back nice, hangover-free memories, and the cucumber makes it very refreshing.

Warm bath? Check. Solitude? Got it. Beverage? All ready. Now what?

Maybe nothing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with just hanging out in your hard-won bath. Enjoy, my friend.

If you don’t get solitude often, though, I suggest putting it to work for you. Meditate. If your mind wanders terribly during traditional meditation, try a working meditation with a beauty treatment. I keep a salt scrub on the edge of the tub for this very purpose. Rubbing a salt scrub into your skin forces you to concentrate on yourself. Focus on how it feels as it scrapes away everything old, leaving behind something fresh and new. Enjoy the scent. My favorite part is watching the salt melt away in the water. Be careful, though. Salt scrubs with oil leave the tub very slick!

Now that all is said and done, slowly rejoin the so-called real world as you towel off. Cap everything off with a nice, soothing lotion and maybe a fresh coat of polish on the old toenails. The nail polish is a sneaky trick, really. While it’s drying, your mobility is limited, so everyone will have to get it themselves for a while. (You're welcome.)

What are you all doing to renew? Let me know in the comments.

**Alexa Day brings a touch of sexy to your everyday world on the first Wednesday of every month. When she's not researching her monthly column, she's working on the follow-up to her first novel, ILLICIT IMPULSE, which is now available wherever e-books are sold. In the meantime, you can catch up to her on Facebook, Twitter, or on her blog, although lately she only seems able to manage one of those three venues.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Unrequited Love


Do you remember the first time you saw the person that made your blood pump through your heart? You felt every gushing movement, and you anxiously waited to catch a glimpse of them, a waft of their scent or even be in their near. If you were like me, I’m sure you doodled their name on paper, with hearts, and day dreamed of a day when he’d notice you.

For some, our first loves are our lasts, but for others, we have to kiss a couple of frogs until the prince appears. So, instead of dealing with that reality, we play the “what if” game. I HATE THIS GAME! It is a song of desperation that is played over and over on repeat, as we think of ways of how we can change ourselves to finally garner the attention of the one we’re attracted to.

When I was younger, I was enthralled with a young man. My friends were dating his friends, and I thought he was cute enough.  Finally, we went out and it was one disaster after the next! At the tender age of 14, I realized that fiction was better than the reality of an overzealous teen, who knew nothing about me, and wanted to know nothing – arm candy, that is what he wanted and what I never wanted to become.

We fast-forward to my next attempt at love, and my being pressured to have a particular fit. It hurts me to realize how mean of a person I was based on the pressure I was receiving from others. Being a teen is difficult. Luckily, this cycle of suppression, I was eventually able to break away from, but this too took time. The lessons we don’t learn, we repeat – be it through the hardheartedness of someone who only regards you as a joke, or a box made by others  to hold you that keeps you trapped.

It took me several years to learn about me- who I was and what I would settle for. Sometimes those moments still haunt me, as I remember singing love songs so loud that the neighbors would bang on the walls.  I desperately wanted the happy-ever after promised to me by the great romance writers. I wanted my crush’s heart to beat, to thrash like my own. I wanted someone to love me as desperately and utterly as I indeed loved them.

Can you recall a significant moment that gave you wings to not settle for second best? I sure can. It was when I decided to be bold, no longer hide behind me pining away for someone who never even saw me. He never realized what a gem I was. To me, everything he did was one million times more significant than what it should have been. A smile that I saw from him sent my heart aflutter each time, until I realized he wasn’t smiling at me.

Finally then, learning about myself and my being worth more than a shadow of a romance, I washed my hands of living in hopes of capturing his attention, or anyone like him. I moved on knowing that when it came to loving me, my love was not unrequited. I learned to love me unconditionally; to bask in the joys of my likes and dislikes and to not change myself based on someone else’s list of prerequisites. On that learning curve, I was finally able to develop my interests, and break free of the chains that divided me from who I truly was and who others wanted me to be.

Cutting those strings gave me the self-confidence I needed, and made it possible for me to truly fall in love with someone, and for someone to love me in return.

I'm forever thankful that the unrequited love murdered the innocent and naive ideas of what I thought love was.  It rid me of my misconceptions. Just as weeds are plucked from a garden to make flowers grow, so is the same for me. Finally, when my whirlwind romance came and my prince swept me off my feet, I was comfortable in my skin and ready to live the fairy tale but that’s for another post…

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About Tina: I am the author of THOU SHALL NOT. I love creating three dimensional characters and am always looking for new people to kill…in my stories. 
Check out my author's  blog at TinaGlasneck.com and my book is available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. You can also connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.
I am counting down the days until the release of my second book in the Xandy Caras series, called ANGELS CRY. Stay tuned!