Friday, September 27, 2013

Badge Bunny? I Think Not

Surely when seasons change, we have the opportunity to learn, grow and even make fools of ourselves. And today, on Murderer's Market, I thought of ways of how to creep under a rock - preferably a large boulder that would erase and hide all of my, dare I say, unease.

For months, I’ve been telling  everyone that will listen how I am a “badge bunny,” but it wasn’t until  I sought out Urban Dictionary that I discovered exactly what I was proclaiming myself to be. But before you decide that I’m a 'holster sniffer', I’ve introduced myself numerous times as such a "bunny"; shaken hands with people and smiled; and, then never understood the look of awe mixed with a little shock that my proclamation received.

Recently, while signing books, and interacting with potential readers, I sought to condense the description of my “personality” by using a short phrase to describe myself. “I’m a badge bunny,” I said speaking to the gentleman who had stopped. And when given the chance to speak, he paused. With a smile plastered across my face, I was making good idea contact, waiting for a response – for that is what conversation requires – an exchange, but his pause sent my mind into a whirlwind. I sought to solve the quandary, searching for clues – verbal and non-verbal- like it was the solution to keep the ticking bomb from exploding in my face.

Suddenly, his welcoming smile broadened, and he leaned in a little too close, until I was able to catch a whiff of his cologne. In a matter of seconds the conversation drifted to his connection with law enforcement. Still the pieces of the puzzle didn’t quite click together until things became too personal.

During personal appearances, I’ve been hugged; people have taken pictures with me, I’ve been given a kiss, and I’ve even had fortuitous luck sprinkled over me through networking, but when the professional slid towards the personal and the desire for a love connection, I paused. But it wasn’t him, but me. I’d been talking and not knowing what the hell I was saying.

If I could have had a magic button to press pause and look up what I was calling myself, I would have done it. I never knew that what I was pronouncing to the world is that “I like to sleep with cops and only cops because they have badges, guns and training.” 

Imagine my embarrassment. So, there will be no more forums for me, no more of me telling everyone that I indeed love law enforcement and the justice system (where now, I’m sure images of me pulling a Miley Cyrus, with a copy of the Constitution instead of a foam finger, twerking around in people’s head – if it wasn’t it is now - if  you have no idea what I mean, then just google it). No, for now on, I will make my elevator pitch into a long spill, without the need for much interpretation. 

Have you ever made a fool of yourself?

TINA GLASNECK is a sometimes enlightened idiot, who has learned the importance of being able to laugh at herself, and still come out belting "We are the Champions" by Queen.  She enjoys trips to WholeFoods, surfing on YouTube, and plotting murder. To connect with Tina, find her on Facebook

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  1. Oh Tina!!! That is TOO funny. :-) (Note to self: Check urban dictionary more often!)

    1. OMG, I know, right. On Twitter, I was also told what "not" to call myself. :)

  2. I wish I could say it was only you, Tina. . . .