Friday, January 11, 2013

Unrequited Love

Do you remember the first time you saw the person that made your blood pump through your heart? You felt every gushing movement, and you anxiously waited to catch a glimpse of them, a waft of their scent or even be in their near. If you were like me, I’m sure you doodled their name on paper, with hearts, and day dreamed of a day when he’d notice you.

For some, our first loves are our lasts, but for others, we have to kiss a couple of frogs until the prince appears. So, instead of dealing with that reality, we play the “what if” game. I HATE THIS GAME! It is a song of desperation that is played over and over on repeat, as we think of ways of how we can change ourselves to finally garner the attention of the one we’re attracted to.

When I was younger, I was enthralled with a young man. My friends were dating his friends, and I thought he was cute enough.  Finally, we went out and it was one disaster after the next! At the tender age of 14, I realized that fiction was better than the reality of an overzealous teen, who knew nothing about me, and wanted to know nothing – arm candy, that is what he wanted and what I never wanted to become.

We fast-forward to my next attempt at love, and my being pressured to have a particular fit. It hurts me to realize how mean of a person I was based on the pressure I was receiving from others. Being a teen is difficult. Luckily, this cycle of suppression, I was eventually able to break away from, but this too took time. The lessons we don’t learn, we repeat – be it through the hardheartedness of someone who only regards you as a joke, or a box made by others  to hold you that keeps you trapped.

It took me several years to learn about me- who I was and what I would settle for. Sometimes those moments still haunt me, as I remember singing love songs so loud that the neighbors would bang on the walls.  I desperately wanted the happy-ever after promised to me by the great romance writers. I wanted my crush’s heart to beat, to thrash like my own. I wanted someone to love me as desperately and utterly as I indeed loved them.

Can you recall a significant moment that gave you wings to not settle for second best? I sure can. It was when I decided to be bold, no longer hide behind me pining away for someone who never even saw me. He never realized what a gem I was. To me, everything he did was one million times more significant than what it should have been. A smile that I saw from him sent my heart aflutter each time, until I realized he wasn’t smiling at me.

Finally then, learning about myself and my being worth more than a shadow of a romance, I washed my hands of living in hopes of capturing his attention, or anyone like him. I moved on knowing that when it came to loving me, my love was not unrequited. I learned to love me unconditionally; to bask in the joys of my likes and dislikes and to not change myself based on someone else’s list of prerequisites. On that learning curve, I was finally able to develop my interests, and break free of the chains that divided me from who I truly was and who others wanted me to be.

Cutting those strings gave me the self-confidence I needed, and made it possible for me to truly fall in love with someone, and for someone to love me in return.

I'm forever thankful that the unrequited love murdered the innocent and naive ideas of what I thought love was.  It rid me of my misconceptions. Just as weeds are plucked from a garden to make flowers grow, so is the same for me. Finally, when my whirlwind romance came and my prince swept me off my feet, I was comfortable in my skin and ready to live the fairy tale but that’s for another post…


About Tina: I am the author of THOU SHALL NOT. I love creating three dimensional characters and am always looking for new people to kill…in my stories. 
Check out my author's  blog at and my book is available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. You can also connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.
I am counting down the days until the release of my second book in the Xandy Caras series, called ANGELS CRY. Stay tuned!


  1. How sweet, painful, and hopeful. These must be universal truths that we all have to endure/experience to achieve character growth, because it rang a harmonic chord.

    I'm glad you found you too... 'cause she's pretty cool. :)

    1. Thanks Sofie! Pain is a part of growing up, I guess. Although it hurt, when I was younger, having grown from it, it was a blessing in disguise. I hate to think of the wallflower I would have been instead of the dynamic person I actually always was. :)

  2. Hi, Tina! What a lovely post about learning the reality of love. How impressionable and filled with hopeful desperation we are when we are young. Nothing happens fast enough, soon enough. It will never happen if it doesn't happen now. And no one had an inkling of what we're feeling. How painful and yet wonderful it is when we realize that life is not that way and that love comes when we're actually ready. When we understand more about ourselves, respect ourselves enough. Thank you for sharing the reminder and congratulations on finding both yourself and your true love.

    1. Thanks Denise! Love can be a wonderful thing or a toxic, misunderstood anomaly that blisters and oozes. It is a feeling that we all experience in different ways, and although you never forget when you've had what is thought to be butterflies, sometimes it's just moths. True love has such depth and richness; better than the yummiest of chocolates, the tastiest of wines and it doesn't require one to change for fulfillment. But it is ultimately the acceptance of self that allows us to love and be loved. When we stop trying to erase who we are and find the joy in just being us, then we are able to experience the bountiful fruit of loving another. (Wow! I think I really need to work on that paranormal romance now! :D)

  3. Such a sweet post, Tina! I felt your desperation, heartbreak, hopefulness and acceptance. *sigh*