Friday, July 13, 2012

Zombies and the Heat

Photo courtesy of

What is it about a heat wave that brings out the crazies? There used to be a time when one had to be careful of the full moon, but now with mother nature regurgitating on us or suffocating us in the swells of her heat, I can’t help but wonder if there is a conspiracy - some sort of survival of the fittest. Maybe this is the beginning of preparing us for the zombie apocalypse. During the past few weeks, there has been enough mentioning of bath salts and what they do to the human condition, i.e. cause zombie like behavior, for us to take note. Although the CDC has denied the existence of zombies, a little preparedness can go a long way.

I’m sure if I were interested in creating a little zombie fan fiction, this would all be great research, but at last my genre doesn’t call for flesh eating humans. Therefore, here are my tips for surviving a zombie attack, or at least an attack of someone who thinks they suffer from zombie-itis.

Fiction has spoken about zombie attacks forever. And since we are in 2012, when the Mayan calendar ended (and popular media interpreted this as the end of the world) – now is the time to plan for the Apocalypse..

  1. Survival of the Quickest - the biggest part of surviving a zombie attack is being able to outrun the other people around you, and for that you need stamina, endurance and a great pair of running shoes. Maybe a new pair of Nikes is just what you need to truly fly away from the mob of flesh eaters chasing you.
  2. Get a gun - Before the zombie apocalypse, I’m sure you believed that guns were bad and an evil that only the NRA, southern militias, republicans and the founding fathers thought were necessary, but with those wanting only to eat your brains out to get you, you might want to start target practice. Head down to your local gun shop and find out what the best zombie killing ammo is; load up on target shooting at your range. Also, whenever you have a chance, practice on Call of Duty - because nothing prepares you better for zombies than Call of Duty.
  3. Throw Bacon - Throw dinner, don't become it. Make sure you have enough bacon in your possession. When being attacked, throw some at the mob of brain eaters. Most of them will be men anyway, and they can’t resist the smell and taste of bacon.
  4. Find A Bunker - When all else fails, and your zombie proof island isn’t as zombie proof – maybe they figured out how to float - then the best thing I can suggest is to find a bunker filled with the indestructible Twinkie. If roaches can survive a nuclear war, I’m sure that you too can survive on a Twinkie or two.

All I know about zombies, I learned from studying them – nah, really from playing zombie games and watching movies, but I hope it helps. If it doesn’t, I’ll be in Canada, because Zombie attacks only happen in the US.

Happy Friday the 13th!


Tina Glasneck is the writer of the suspense novel, THOU SHALL NOT. She loves creating unique three-dimensional characters and story with grit. Drop her a line; she is always looking for new people to her stories of course.


  1. Well, now I'm scared to go out, Tina! Thanks! :-) Fun post.

    1. Thanks Leah! It's Friday the 13th and with such an unofficial holiday, a little laughter is always welcomed.

  2. Tina:

    Many thanks for this timely post! So many people are okay with ignoring the zombie apocalypse ... until suddenly the cable is out or they wake up alone in the hospital or what have you. I was so relieved to see the news from the CDC ... until I realized that the CDC would think zombie-related panic was even worse than zombie apocalypse!

    Tip #2 made me laugh. Zombie Apocalypse is no time to be squeamish about firearms. And you're right to make preparations in case they can float -- remember when they weren't able to run?

    Can you tell I've been thinking about this A LOT in my spare time? Maybe I'll start pricing my ticket to Canada ... :)


    1. You're right , Lexi about zombies evolving. Movies, books and video games present new abilities for the walking dead. I'm starting to believe that zombie-itus has no absolutes except the desire to chow down on living human flesh.

  3. Well, I for one, will not be caught off-guard! I have bacon, I think I could run faster than most of the other people in my home, I have a secret bunker, (albeit buggy and dark and damp and uncomfortable,) and I've got a pea shooter. Bring'em on!

  4. Way fun post, Tina! And so helpful for that inevitable Zombie Apocalypse! I'll have to stock up on bacon and twinkies. Wanna cover all bases. I've also been told that you don't actually have to be an Olympic quality runner, just faster than someone else you can leave to the ravening horde. Afterall, it's about survival of the smartest! Thanks for the vital tips and laughs.

  5. I will make a list and prepare for the zombie apocalypse and you are all welcome to join me when we're the last ones on earth. But be forewarned: I WILL NOT WASTE BACON EVER!!